Dealing With Anger in Recovery From Alcoholism

Learning to deal with anger is vital in recovery from alcoholism. Actually, it’s vital in recovery from addiction to other drugs such as cocaine, opiates, etc. Here, though, I’ll address anger management in recovery from alcoholism. First, it’s important to establish anger as a normal emotion. Everyone gets angry. What’s important is how we deal with anger. Also, I don’t want to give the impression that unresolved emotions like anger cause alcoholic drinking. It’s the other way around — alcoholism usually prevents a person from dealing with emotions like anger. If, in recovery, anger is not managed, it’ll likely lead a person back to drinking. If unresolved resentments still churn in the person trying to stop drinking, it’s a trigger for relapse.

When alcoholism begins to progress, and when there are mounting consequences, the alcoholic finds himself/herself in a dilemma that’s usually right below the level of full consciousness. Internally, the alcoholic feels the need to continue drinking because, to the alcoholic, alcohol is what holds things together, and without alcohol things fall apart. This is part of the denial that characterizes alcoholism. The alcoholic denies alcohol is causing problems and blames alcohol related consequences on others, thus building up anger when confronted about drinking. This anger becomes a protective shield, rejecting everyone who tries to penetrate the denial. The spouse just doesn’t understand and wants to control – the supervisor at work is a jerk – the DUI was just a fluke and it could happen to anyone who’s had a few drinks and drives home. The alcoholic sees stress as coming from these outside sources, and sees alcohol as the comforter.

As alcoholism progresses, the physical, mental and emotional dependence on alcohol becomes stronger and stronger, and the denial becomes more psychotic, to the point the alcoholic can no longer tell fact from fiction. In treatment, once a person gets the alcohol out of his/her system and begins to clear up, we deal with anger issues, gradually breaking through denial. In group, people with addiction problems talk about the realization that their addiction is the problem not other people, places and things. The new person still in denial hears others who are like him/her honestly talking about their addictive drinking/drug use and this can cause a powerful awakening. We teach anger management skills that’ll help the person make it into long term recovery. Honesty is one of the first principles established in recovery. It’s hard to look at the truth when the truth is ugly and puts the person in what they perceive as a bad light. Showing empathy with the person suffering from alcoholism goes a long way toward building trust, because, after all, it’s not about beating up the person to make them feel shame — the point is to help the person overcome the delusional state of mind they’re in and to see the truth.